Well... and so I just read another friend's friend blog... keke... so i do have the habit of reading new blogs recently... keke.. actually quite tiring to read blog but then I am jus curious with what really happened... Well to summarise in short, it is a story about a guy and a gal, this guy like the gal for fours years... being rejected once and then again within a span of 4 yrs.. so I often asked my friends... is there such a thing as love resulted from long term friendship.. Well some friends tell me yes and some say no... hmm... Then another question... can love be cultivate out of some thing that is never existence at all ? say friends for 4 yrs and then suddenly develop into love ?... Well... tough question to answer.. Only can say from what one of my friend mention to me before, he once say, being love is fortunate, to love is painful.... I have been at both ends and i can only say that both side are equally painful... It is not easy to reject someone because you know how bad it is to be rejected.. and maybe it is for the fear of being rejected that i have been stationary for so long... just dun feel like doing anything... but money dun fall from the sky... well that's not moved too far from the main topic... haha... so I have also seen ppl who accepted the other party because he/she finds that the other party have really put in everything he/she got to woo him/her... so does happiness really happen in that case ? or can happiness be obtained ? well hard to say, but then i have seen ppl who are happy that way so i cannot comment too much... having seen so much in life... i realise that u are a great thinker and analyst when it happens to others, but when self is involved... no solutions can ever come out successfully... and maybe that's why many ppl make mistakes and then later regret... that's all for now.. tata




Just read from a person's blog whom I have never went to see but guess what I saw inside that really brighten me up... Guess I have finally found the answer I have always wanted..


Love is not about holding on to the person you love, it is about letting her go..
It is about making the person always happy even though you know that she will never be yours.. Some says love is selfish.. true to a certain extent.. but to me, it is about making sure the person you love is truly happy and not to possess her.. It is not easy but I can assure you that it can be done.. Because I am one...




So I finally I realised that I am not okay.. My life is in a mess now.. I thought I was okay and tried to be back to my own life.. ended that I not only made my life all in a mess, made myself lose my sense of direction and also made my friends suffered... I realised that I no longer have the ability to cheer people up, I do no have the ability to do a lot of things.. So it ended up with me breaking all the promises I have made.. I am sorry.. I do not know what you are thinking and I also don't know what I am thinking.. Yes I can be called a quitter because I am just too tired of everything.. So there is a verse well used by my friend, Smart can le, dun be smart alex.. This few days, I find that I am always caught in situations where I really do not know what decision to make so I ended up promising two parties and then break my promise.. I know how it is like to be given false hope and then it all turns out to be nothing that ever exist... So I realise that I cannot do the things I wanted to do and have to be forced to do things I have to do. I am starting to feel that I belong to other people and not myself.. I cannot choose what I want and I can only be a puppet and let other choose what I want.. Why is it in this way.. And because of this I have hurted my two bao bei... I am really very sorry.. I want to find ways to solve.. but I am really at a lost.. because a sinking boat can't save another two sinking boat.. If I were to bring you both over, it will only sink faster... I would rather jump out of the boat and let you have the extra boat to prolong and persevere....




Had a present surprise today.. Thanks, fyp partner. keke.. I used to laugh at ppl at why they never realise that ppl would celebrate their birthday for them when it is so obvious.. so now i know why it really happened because I have become one of their victims... haha... Thanks for the present that you all gave me, now I can go for my squash more often le. hehe.. Thanks to my two good bao bei who has always been there for me.. (^_^) To one of my bao bei, sometimes in life, you will find that it is very busy until you hated it so much, but think again, wouldn't it also be bad when you are bored and got nothing to do ? so maybe it is much better if you are occupied with something rather than being left alone to start let ur mind wonder all over the place. keke.. Anyway, I will take care of myself, so you must too.

Thanks Karen, thought you only know how to smoke ppl but din realise that you can write such meaningful things, really appreciate it. =)

Now that I have my 'wife' with me now.. for 3 days... Really enough been with it, really been with her for very long everyday.. keke... clocked 600km in just 3 days !!... haha.. that's a whooping 200km/day which is equal going from yishun to ntu and back to yishun again 4 times a day... haha.. Don't ask me how I did that, I am surprised too. haha.. just hope I am not stressing her too much considering she is still very new...

Anyway that's all for now till I post again. tata.. (^_^)

p/s: Thanks to br and mx too for your concern ;) You both are also always been there for me and trying to cheer me up also. Really appreciate that. =)




Time for another update after a day's thought.. So I realised that I don't understand myself at all.. Seems like my long lost enemy has come back.. Myself of the night.. Don't think it is spilt personality.. It is just me.. So the person to help me now is myself of the day.. It is really amazing how happy and cheerful I can be when in the day time but when nightfalls, I am plague by all the most horrible thoughts that can come to me.. So I admit I do silly things at night..

So it is my birthday now.. Realised that at this very moment, nothing really matters to me anymore.. Nothing really interest me.. not even the new car that is coming.. I didn't realised that until my mum asked why I am now no longer excited that the car is coming.. My dad mentioned that maybe it is because I got no money.. So I thought to myself.. am I sad because I got no money ? Well.. maybe.. Or is it the comments made by one of my friend which mention something about the sense of security I give people.. Well.. this has made an impact on me.. Is that why my ex left me ? Another made a comment, all those guys that don't have girlfriend is because there are no gals in their group of friends.. then she asked me.. why is it that I don't have girlfriend when all around me are female friends.. I don't really know.. Maybe I just don't want to find one.. or maybe I just can't attract any.. maybe the girl has not come.. any reason that can come to my mind but then one sentence overides all.. Does it really matter to me ?... I don't know.. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.. But it sure has an impact on me..

Suddenly just felt that I am lost in the middle of the ocean.. Screaming at the top of my voice and nobody can hear me.. So I guess it is up to myself again to save myself. Don't think anyone can help me.. Don't want to bother them also... Even if they want to help, I also don't know how they can help.. Just hope that this night thingy will slowly fade off.. tmr will be a better day.




Life's not cruel to me afterall. I have finally found someone to solve all my problems. At last, I see light before me. (^_^)




Couldn't sleep hence decided to write something down here since its been so long since i wrote something.

Recently some questions ponder into my mind... How does it feels like to have a bad day? And how does it feels like to have a day that is bad enough but nothing seems to goes well even more.. And lastly how is it like when you just had a normal bad day but you got nobody to talk to ?

Been having bad days recently.. Partially I think due to my illness.. Been thinking a lot recently too.. All of sudden I just had this feeling.. I don't feel like talking to people about my thoughts of feelings anymore.. The once opened bottle has now just decided to close itself once more. There seems to be no point in telling any one anything about yourself. There is nothing these people can do about, all they can is just lend you a listening ear in which turns out only adding on trouble to them. Close friends whom you thought you can confine into... how close they really are ?.... Just found out that I am too dependent on people... I WANT to be more independent.. Feel like isolating myself from this world.. Can I do without friends ? Do I really need so much attention from my friends... ... After some thoughts I just realised that I really do need a lot of care and attention from people... too much until I find myself a bothersome person to my friends... dragging and occupying too much of their time.. I HAVE to learn to be more independent.. I am just wondering what has changed me.. Why is it the person I used to be, the one who can live alone, go out alone and independent have disappeared. I shall adopt isolation in my life.. I want to have back the feel of being isolated from this world.. The long lost feelings of being able to sit alone quietly in my favourite beach, listening to the wind and waves, leaving such a smoothing sense in me.. I have decided to brainwash myself from now on.. 'I don't need friends'

...... My birthday is around the corner.. I have no idea how to celebrate it.. Just realised that I got some job obligations to complete so I couldn't take off on that day... But what's the point of taking off on that day when I do not know what to do on that day.... Guess I shall just worked... At least I complete the job I had to do and be a responsible person. Yesh.. responsible.. it is how amazing how many people just do things without thinking of the consequences.. bearing no hint of responsibility in them.. disappointed I may be but there is nothing I can do about it...

Thoughts running in my mind... too many things that I realised that I can't solved... Some that I can choose the easy way out by running away from it... some that have to be solved no matter what... some that have very easy solutions but you just can't solved it... So it is all up to me... Certain things in this world are controlling my life... I want my life back... realised that the once impact that I had in my life is too great for me... it is causing a grey image in my life... all of sudden my life ahead seems so groomy... nothing seems to be ever important to me... I shall live my life as a loner... at least for the time being until I get my thoughts sort out.. Sorry friends...

Meanwhile life goes on.. Things I want to do can never be achived so easily, I cannot just disappear from this world... Step by step.. I wish myself luck in success. tata cw... you will never exist again...




Been feeling very bad these few days... Must be last night eat too much things le... vomited last night.. there is even blood in my on my tongue even though there is no cuts... and the worst thing is after vomitting, i don't feel any better... this morning still got to wake up early to go work.. My friends asked me why I didn't take MC, well my answer to them is because I got to work. They are all puzzled by my answer. Well, for me, it is simple. When there is really some job that needs to be done, I do not wish to stop or delay it just because I am sick.. Just wanna get it done and fulfil my part of responsibility. Maybe that is the thing that is keeping me go on in the industry for so long. I learnt what is responsibility when I was in my secondary school. I once told my instructor that I don't like responsibilty, I also don't want to be responsible for anything.. So he told me, nobody likes responsibility. And from then I learnt.. Learn to take responsibility, learn to be responsible and it really make me a better person in time to come. Hope everyone can also adopt the concept of being responsible. (^_^)




Just read something from my yahoo groups about optimism.

"Optimism is a telling sign of maturity. The more mature you are, the more cheerful you get.”

So it is still good to be easily satisfied and be optimistic in life, always look and think on the bright side. (^_^) but bear in mind, I din say dream hor...

“One has to go through the journey of life and survive the storm-experiencing failure and success, love and hate, ups and downs, sorry and joy- before you can be confident that the future can only get brighter and happier”----housewife Esther Huang

“…. As you grow you come to see the bigger picture and no matter how bad something is, you know it happens for a reason.” Her philosophy now is “if my toenail falls off, as it does quite often, I console myself by thinking that at least I have a toe.”-----Youth@Aware President Harmin Kaur Gill

“A mature person views life experiences as learning experiences and when they are positive, she enjoys and reveals in life. When they are negative, she accepts personal responsibility and is confident she can learn from them to improve her life. When things do not get well, she looks for opportunity to succeed. The immature person curses the rain while a mature person sells umbrellas.”----Psychologist and confidence speaker Jerome Murray

The important thing to remember is that staying positive is not a lonesome thing. Not everyone, no matter how mature she is, has an umbrella for every storm cloud that rolls her way. The solution? You need to surround yourself with positive people. “I don’t see it as a personal struggle”, says Dr Geh Min. “It’s a web of support.”




Hooray... my brother's new car has came. Get to drive it around yesterday. But honestly speaking.. still prefer the vios, that's why i bought that. hehe.. For friends who have been loyally checking for updates, so pai seh that I didn't have the chance to update it. Been busy with yet another mini bus. haha.. Just washed the interior until sparkling white again. Hand pain, back pain. haha.. but then again, this is a kind of self satisfaction. keke.. But anyway I am glad that my headache is now gone and hopefully it does not come back.

Attended my friend's army POP (Pass out parade), well the march drill is really bo liao and looks very insulting... althought I know it is not easy to master. haha.. but more interested in the basketball 'dance' and the arm combat performance, too bad he is in the basketball 'dance' thingy and he dropped the ball !!! haha.. so malu.. haha..

Now that he has POP and he has gotten back his bus, guess it is not time for me to start taking public transport again. haha... it is all that squeezing again. sianz.. haha... but anyway always look on the bright side, at least i get to rest and sleep in the bus and trains. haha.. and definitely more interesting things to make myself amazed. haha.. maybe i am still too easily satisfied but that's just the way i am and i don't think i wanna change.. at least for now, no.

Just read a friend's blog and wish to comment on some things about life again. Friends are easy to come and go, as I always say, you must learn to treasure them because once they are gone, there is no point in regretting.. Sometimes you just have to learn to let go of things that are no longer in existences, things that most likely will not turn out as what you wanted. Anyway that's life, things never turn out the way you wanted, but look on the bright side, if everything turns out the way you want it to be, then you will be fragile as a glass, you will never be able to withstand any impact and shock. Think about it, you can slowly let it fade off or you can just stay in the agony and in the hands under his manipulation. I was once in your situation but if I can get off from it, why can't you. It is all in you and nothing else, never in him or your friends. That's all I can say...